lionhearted

I have been discovering new songs to add to my playlist, admiring rising talent and been inspired by the ones who live deeply and the ones who are learning. Finding peace in knowing that while time moves so swiftly it sometimes sweeps us up and changes everything we have held dear, with the right care and love, some things do not have to be lost. I have had to take deep breaths to still the wild beating of my heart as I prepare to take the final tests before college, excitement and trepidation all clamoring for attention in my mind. I feel relief in knowing that I am finally taking that step, but mostly, just happiness. Happiness in the way the clouds turn a peach gold and the edges light on fire, like our hearts, wild and free. Also in the way the soft summer breeze whispers in my ear then disappears as quiet walks offer plenty of time to reflect, to ponder. Peace in knowing that no matter what happens, where this will lead us, that God is still good, so good, beyond what we deserve. I suppose I have been falling in love with life all over again, with its piercing pain that points me to the Rock, and the vibrant joys that remind me what it feels like to wonder if your heart can explode from the sheer wonderment of it all.

It has been a good couple of days, they have been real, sometimes painfully so, but always reminding me that this is the beauty of it all, that we get to feel so intensely. A couple days ago I wandered through our library for the first time since we moved. The building, surrounded by large trees and old architecture, is vast, the aisles are ones that I could get lost in, but in a good way. Classics, memoirs, and study guides seem to be my steady diet as I suddenly have a growing desire to know the people who could express their thoughts clearly yet beautifully, the ones who thought about the complex simplicity of life, the ones who watched and listened. I long to know their stories and soak in the beauty of the arrangement of words and sentences. While I wait in line for the many books I want to read (oh the joys of living in a city where people read the same things you do) I hope to write some things down again, yet not just writing, but writing about hope, about the journey, about the fight, about love and how it can paint everything in neon and yet make you feel so at home. I want to write about life. 

Time is spinning by so fast I hardly feel like I have blinked since winter, but I not only want to blink, I want to close my eyes and cherish this gift of being alive, soak in it, live and record. I want to dance with friends and with strangers, I want to dance to breathe and be free. I want to take pictures of places and people, and not worry what others think. I want to exude confidence in my position in Christ and never waver. I want to love with no regrets, but never change to please someone else. The magic that is summer, the stories we will tell, it flows in our veins and puts a glow in every heart, but I am realizing that we cannot ignore it or the light will fade because it goes by too swiftly.

I thought that I did not have anything to say, but it turns out that my heart is overflowing, I guess I just needed to start. (funny how that is, how something can look so impossible until we begin the climb) I just hope this summer we will both learn to breathe deeply and give it God. That we will pick lavender and put daisies in our hair. That we will jump into every waterfall, no matter how cold, and that we will tend to our garden of friendships and not let any storm fall upon them. That we would be true, valiant, but soft and kind; brave, but never cruel. That we would explore the older parts of our city, find new coffee shops and stores that we never knew existed, that we would go down secret paths and make an adventure out of every day. That we would finally realize that we are free. That love would become a part of who we are, that we would not only forget, but forgive, the kind of forgiving where flowers can grow again. I hope that we will take the time to tell the people we hold dearest that we love them, that we pray for them, that we never stop thinking about them. I hope we live deeply, recklessly, but wisely. That we would turn to Jesus when we don't understand and things get difficult, because heaven knows I feel like I cannot comprehend anything anymore, especially when it comes to people. Yet who can understand the heart except the one who designed it? This is my wish for you, my friend, that we would both learn to live and let live, together.

I do not ask this enough, in fact (I am so ashamed to admit this) I do not think I have ever ventured to ask this: how are you, dear reader? I would so love to hear from you, how your summer has been going, to know what you have been learning, the things that weigh heavy on your heart at this moment. Thank you for reading through my ramblings and thoughts. I love you guys, you mean so much to me, and you are the best! 

"Let someone love you just the way you are- as flawed as you might be,

as unattractive as you sometimes feel, and as unaccomplished as you think you are. 

To believe that you must hide all the parts of you that are broken, 

out of fear that someone else is incapable of loving what is less than perfect,

is to believe that sunlight is incapable of entering a broken window and illuminating a dark room." 

-Marc Hack