A shadow fading with the light.

via

It seems that with the sunlight streaming through my bedroom windows, the soft autumn breeze kissing my face, and the smell of freshly mowed grass tickling my nose everything around me is calling out for an embrace, a word, a glance, something to convince me that that I am home. And I can feel the heat from the sun burning a hole on my skin and I wish that the warmth would somehow creep into my heart because sometimes you can feel cold in a place even deeper than your hands or your feet. And although the freezing depths are changing the rivers into ice, and the smiles into frowns, I will not let despondency or the desire for familiarity to catch me off guard because I am stronger than that, we are stronger than that. And hope can be so easily lost in icy cold waters and walls that don't feel like home; and promises don't seem as easy to keep when distance threatens every existence. But Love must go on and will float through every crack and shattered being and it doesn't matter how broken, or how damaged, or how colorless we feel. Because although we close our doors and bolt our windows shut, and leave no room in our hearts for anything; Love can move mountains and walk on water. And yes, maybe farewells are taking up a big part of life right now; maybe every person that ever arrived in my life seems to be leaving, but this is a beautiful life and every moment, every laugh shared, every smile and inside joke, is another thing to write about and remember. Yes, it does hurt, because just for once I want someone to stay. But maybe one day I will wake up and the walls won't seem to close me in from all sides, and maybe one day I will learn to not be afraid of sleepless nights and hours spent in the dark. And maybe one day I will open my eyes and sink deeper beneath the blankets because I will feel it in every corner of my soul: I am home. And who knows, maybe what they say is true, that home is where your heart is; but that surely can't apply to me because my heart is filled with bits and pieces of every place I've been to and the people in my life, and when I gather everything up and the dust finally settles I am left with a handful of memories and a heart that is scattered in a hundred different places. And maybe that is the way it is meant to be; after all, we are the gypsy hearts, the wanderers, the people without a home on this earth. We are the travelers, the fighters, the weaklings and the empty ones with so much potential. We are the complicated, beautiful ones, the hearts that long to be loved and yet run away from the Love that will last us a life time and then on into eternity. We hide, and yet long to found. We hold back and close up inside, and yet cry for someone to listen and reach out. We are the diamonds and the precious gems; fragile and oh so vulnerable. But we are strong because the Love that moved mountains is living in us and His love is changing the bland and broken, and creating the bright and complete. And one day I will open my eyes and look around me and I will be at home because the rugs on the floor will be torn and worn out; the books in the library will be faded and yellowed. The candles will be long burned out and the curtains will be blowing in the breeze while the same sun shines through my windows. One day the familiarity will be there and the memories will fill this place, and every place I've ever called home in the past will be only memory, a shadow fading with the light; words on a page that are blurred with age.

//listen//

xx. Amy Jane