It's just a matter of time until we run wild because we have already been set free.

via

We scrawl a couple words on a piece of paper, cry a little, and watch as the droplet smudges the ink but not enough to make the words indecipherable. We listen to a song, try not to think about how much the words are relating to what our heart is breathing, and close our eyes just for a moment. We live, we struggle, we come through the storm only to realize that we are just as broken as when we started, and we try to forget. But forgetting is erasing a mental picture of when things were easier and when they were here; when we were together. People always say that time goes so fast, but they never said that time would bring this, an explosion of our hearts. And so we run, we hide, we try to escape the jealousy that we feel toward the people who have it all together, and we strive not to let perfection become our master. Because we hold this moment in our hands and we throw it out the window all the while expecting something beautiful to come out of the ashes; we give our heart to someone who loves us more than we realize but never quite enough, and we run around getting caught in a race that never ends. And sometimes I think a part of us is ready to accept that they've moved on; that the clock is spinning them away from us, like a spiderweb into eternity. But then there is the corner of our heart that is still kicking and screaming, the part that refuses to acknowledge their disappearance from our life. And the refusal is what stops the words from coming, the smiles from appearing in our eyes, and the heart from beating in tune. The harmony suddenly is lost and an ocean for us to drown in is only a step away. And some of us will drown; some of us will float to the surface and realize we were wrong, and some of us are going to lose a friend. They say it happens, they say that this is life and time plants a wall between a rose garden and all the flowers die, but sometimes a memory can be the most powerful enemy. And in the middle of the rat-race, right when your foot is slipping over the edge, you stop, you take a breath, and you let it out. And that's when we realize that it is not worth it. We loved and lost, how many people can say that they have truly loved? We kept memories alive until they were yellowed with age and wear, and we had a season of friendship until it shattered, but we still were happy, for a time. And that is what matters; the memories of laughter and the feel of that smile warming your heart, the moments spent with Jesus and the times when we were wild. It's going to hurt to remember the person you were when you loved them and nothing can take it away, but I do know something that can make it better: let it go. And we don't have to drown to find a rescue, we don't have to fight to be set free; we are alive and we are on fire. Live in the moment but for the future, and don't get caught by the smoke that will trail behind your heart that is still healing. Scrawl the words that are weighing heavy on your fingertips, like wet snow on tree branches, and one day you/I will look back and see that He brought you/me through, He always does.

xx. Amy Jane

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