And this is just called living.

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"I took off my shoes and walked into the woods,

and felt lost and found with every step I took."

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It's a funny thing when you wake up one morning and realize that everything has changed and yet nothing has changed at all. That somehow your surroundings look the same but everything within is different and even the rhythm of your heart has changed. You aren't sure if you stand taller but sometimes it seems like you can see higher, maybe even past the mountains, and yet other times it is like you cannot even see what is in front of your face. I think change is one of the biggest things that has been dealt upon my life this summer and it looks like this little birdy is going to be leaving the nest soon and flying off to make a life apart from everything she's ever known. I have to keep reminding myself that life away from home will be different and scary, yes, but that you conquer it like anything else: one day at a time. 
And besides the continual turning of the clock and the change that is sweeping over my life, I feel like I might have actually gotten over my fear of heights. {shocker, I know.} A couple weeks ago my good friend and I were incredibly happy to spend some time at the Elitch Gardens Amusement Park, and for once in my life I actually went on some of the really high rides and went on the roller coasters nearly {if not} eight times without feeling that dizzying sensation of fear rattling my stomach. Maybe there is some hope of me being able to do things at great heights? Maybe?
This summer has been such a bittersweet mix... I've had to deal with losing friends and letting things go because pain and bitterness harms only my own heart, but I've also made new friends and reconnected with old ones. I've made amazing memories and smiled so widely my jaw really hurt; I've been pushed into circumstances where I have had to get over my fears and learn to exist independently, I've made mistakes and been forgiven and I am constantly learning. It's been such a beautiful time and I wouldn't trade it for the world; in fact, I wouldn't even trade the pain. And this is just to say that I don't understand how anything in this life works. I can't see the future and I can't tell you what is going to happen. I am blind, as it were, fully relying upon His strength. Because although I like to boast great things, in truth, I am utterly ignorant when it comes to this life. I don't understand and I can't see. I've started school unofficially again as I battle my last year of high school and I haven't written as much as I would have liked so I am buckling down and making the act come together. I started Wives and Daughters from Elizabeth Gaskell and I am loving it so far, but that was just a random piece of information that isn't important. I've had to play the role of housekeeper for a while and learn to be more careful with my injured back, and I've had to learn to love those that rub me the wrong way {and believe me, I am still learning}. I guess all of life is a test of our patience and endurance... it's just a race and we haven't finished yet. It's just to show us how weak we really are and how much we need His strength, and yet how strong we can be when we are filled with His power. We can be world changers, an extraordinary people.


 and this is just called living.

   and it is a messy, messy existence, but such a beautiful one.