sometimes the ones we needed didn't need us ||

"It was the best of times, it was the worst of times. It was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness. It was the epoch of belief, it was the epoch of incredulity. It was the season of Light, it was the season of Darkness. It was the spring of hope, it was the winter of despair."-Charles Dickens 

 I guess maybe it was my fault. You know, we do that sometimes. We fall before we look and we offer so much more than the other person is willing to give. We come into it like blind children; hoping that they will care for you as much as you do for them, and maybe at the beginning you don't even think about it. All you know is that you found a friend; someone to talk to and someone that you can laugh with, and just like that you decide that this might actually work; that maybe you could be friends. but what you don't notice is the way your friendship is a constant roller coaster; never to be trusted, and never to be counted on. So maybe it was my fault. my fault for not seeing it all sooner; my fault for getting so attached when she really only wanted me as a friend when there was no one else around. my fault for not listening to those who saw it before I did. but it doesn't really matter whose fault it was, does it? What matters is that it happened; that I just realized that she didn't really care. and honestly? my heart is still crying. 

So this is me. my life. the happenings that happen in every person's life. the stories that are going to open and unfold in the exact way they should. and every heart gets broken... I suppose it's inevitable, but I am learning that what matters is what we do with those tiny broken bits of our heart; and I am realizing that the only safe place to find healing is in the arms of Jesus. He is. He is the source of all comfort and hope, and even though yesterday and the day before were so hard my heart nearly touched the floor, Jesus shined through the darkness today. and guys, His love is overwhelming.

Here's the lesson I learned:
It's not like I didn't have amazing times with her; because I did. There were times where I truly believed we were great friends, and all the laughter and smiles are stored in my heart permanently; so just remember them. remember the good times >>>
There are going to be people that hurt us. we are going to be broken if we offer our heart, that is this thing called life, but what about the friends I have that are true? The ones that have stood by me through countless storms? the new ones I've made and the old ones that have been with me through it all? they are the ones I should focus on. Leave behind those that drag you down; forgive and forget. and don't ever, ever give up on the human race: there are some amazing people out there.

So here's to you guys who have all been there for me: to my parents, who have always been there and loved me through everything. To my amazing brother who can always make me smile and who is always so ready to listen, and who bought me a typewriter >> so so happy. To my best friend, Marcia, who has literally seen me through some of the most difficult days of my life and who has always been there and who is always ready with an encouraging word just when you need it. To my brothers in Christ who have kept me in their prayers and watched over me as if I was their own sister: guys, you'll never how much that means to me. To Leanna who is such an amazing friend and constant source of encouragement; seriously, Saturday was the best. :) 

Here's to all the other people who have opened their hearts to me and who have accepted me just as I am with no strings attached. To the bloggers who have accepted me into the "blogging world", and to my readers... thank you, thank you, thank you. 

I love you guys.

    ::Amy Jane

"Long live all the mountains we moved,

I had the time of my life fighting dragons with you. 

I was screaming long live that look on your face, 

And bring on all the pretenders,

One day we will be remembered.

Long live." -T.S