picking up the pieces

I have heard people tell me that they don't know what they want to do with their lives, and no matter how much I understand; it isn't where I am right now. I've known for years now what I want to do and it's really quite simple. become a writer and teach piano. But just because I know what I want does not mean the struggle is over, in fact it is just beginning. I found several college scholarships today that I will be applying to this week and besides that, I have had a lot of time to consider what comes next and honestly, it's a little frightening. and really really exciting. I mean, there are so many things I want to do with my life and so little time to do it, but most of all I am afraid that I will let fear rule my head and that I will never follow my dreams because a little voice whispered in my ear, you can't do it. I want to be brave, to believe with all my heart that with God all things are possible and to not waste a single moment. because if you think about it, we really only have a couple seconds on this earth. how are we going to use it? We are His vessels, His workmanship, His soldiers and we are here to speak His words to the people. it all goes by so fast.
 And through all of this I can't help but think about all the moments that make up my life. I think about that little eight year old who accepted Christ in her life and had no idea what they really meant. I look back at the journal entries that the same little girl wrote and I laugh and cry. I played outside today, it was fun. Those were times of such innocence and beauty that I can't help but long for the same grass that grew between my toes when was I was eight years old. I remember an old swing I had put up next to the house... I remember my favorite shows and how much I loved Little House on the Prairie. I remember when a stray dog came to the house and I begged my parents to let us keep it. I remember the days when I thought I would never reach the point where I am now. The time when one thinks that you will never grow up. 
 But there were also difficult times. I am a teenager; I laugh and I cry and sometimes don't even really know why.  (hey, that rhymed!) I had my heart broken and learned to love again despite the pain >>seriously, it was only because of Jesus.  I've had awful fights with my brother during my childhood>> we're best friends now. (how's that for awesome?) and the more I think about it the more I am convinced. Yes, I've had so many wonderful memories in the past years but now is the time to close that page and begin a new chapter. To dance with the same lightness of heart that I had as a child, to embrace the future because God's already there. and I am confident that there are many beautiful memories ahead. For isn't that how life works? We walk out one door and enter another? So truly, this is only another door and I am picking up the pieces of my future and one day; one day I will have lived my dream and have done my best.

and you know what? my whole life will have changed (is about to change), but several things will forever stay the same. God never changes // I will carry the same heart and soul with me forever // the same sun that shone over that eight year old with pigtails is shining over me today // the moon that kept me awake as a child still shines into my bedroom window // and somehow I know my parents' love for me won't change //

 So maybe the future isn't scary at all. maybe we just need to find the strength to lay aside everything we know and take that leap of faith and know that God will be waiting on the other side. maybe all we need is a bit of courage.

 
Yours truly: Amy Jane

{all pictures via my pinterest and tumblr}