Summer is coming to a close and we'll have to say goodbye soon // mementoes of the past

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"I am standing here in the middle of this field, 

and all I see is this grass, and this sky, and it is effortless to breathe."

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A couple moments from this summer:

i. We were driving down the road and you gave me a smile as you turned up the music and started singing along; you so rarely sing that I listened closely to your voice before joining in. We gazed in wonder at the sky that seemed to be burning in synch with our hearts and soaked in the bewildering and overwhelming realization that we are young and we can do so much. We rolled down the windows and I cut shapes in the wind as it reached in to kiss my face; while you held the steering wheel with a haphazard, relaxed grip that didn't make me nervous that night.

ii. I watched the ground slowly sink further and further away as the roller coaster pulled us up into the sky and I felt my heart pounding in my chest. I moved my legs as if I was running and wondered again what on earth had made me get on this thing. As it pulled us to the top and suddenly released us, I gripped the bars so tightly I'm sure my knuckles were white. Closing my eyes I still felt every single drop and twist but at least that way I wouldn't see the place where I was going to die, but I didn't die; not that time or any of the six times I went after that. And on the last ride I kept my eyes open and watched the world spin around me and actually felt my heart beat from excitement and not fear. And I still think those two guys in front of us screamed the loudest but I can't tell because maybe the people behind us thought the same thing about you + me. 

iii.  one-two-three... I watched my feet and then glanced at you just to make sure I was still on the right beat. You smiled and nodded and we began singing along to the song as we danced. Okay, ready? I nodded and held my hand behind my back as you grabbed it and I spun you into a circle. We came out of the spin and came back perfectly on beat, we both smiled. 

iv. No, you know this note... trust yourself. I keep telling him as we go through the flash cards, but one day I started his lesson I realized that my students have grown so much and that she hardly trips over her notes any more. He is more comfortable with counting and has moved on to songs that I used to play when I was his age, and the small victories like a correctly counted song or perfect hand position are what make my job so special... and the smiles on their faces. I am so proud of them. 

Dancing until we were out of breath, Owl City and randomly singing "Dementia" during volleyball games, movie dates with my brother, playing the guitar and singing with some of the most awesome people alive, riding roller coasters and getting to be in a big crowd of people and observe, fedoras, bike rides through lovely city streets and nearly getting my bike stuck in a bike rack *face palm*, surprising my bestie at her church several times, watching old Walt-Disney movies and wishing for those "good ole' days" again, making wonderful new friends and finding the strength to let go of old ones. 


There are so many moments from this past year that I wish I could capture and relive but there is no way we can go back except through memories and that is what I am endeavoring to do. Because tomorrow marks the start of another year being a different age, an older one, and I don't want to ever forget what it was like to be sixteen. I don't want to forget the laughter as I realized that I am happiest here with you, or the tears as I began to see that I am no longer a part of the group that I used to be in. I don't want to forget the way the wind felt in my hair when we drove with the windows down, or the way my heart started pounding when I drove in the city for the first time. I don't want to forget. So here's to being sixteen and to saying goodbye to summer... it's been one of the best years of my life.

xx. Amy Jane